How do I help my child stay focused in school?

ATAQ: How can I help my child be successful in school when he is feeling overwhelmed and having trouble staying on task?

I’ll tackle this issue from both logistical and psychological angles. Logistically, there are specific things that can be done both at home and at school to help your child feel less overwhelmed and more in control. In the bigger psychological picture, those things will create a greater sense of overall confidence and accomplishment, which can further help in the classroom. Thus, we create a self-feeding cycle.

1. Address self-care.
   1. Ensure your child is getting enough sleep. According to the National Sleep Foundation, kids 6 to 13 y.o. should get 9 to 11 hours of sleep per night, and those 14 to 17 y.o. should get 8 to 10. If your child struggles to fall asleep or stay asleep, teach him about sleep hygiene or talk to his pediatrician about natural remedies such as tart cherry juice or melatonin.
   2. Give your child a healthy breakfast with some brain foods, such as whole grains, eggs, nuts and blueberries, as well as plenty of water. The latest daily hydration guideline, for children and adults alike, is 1/2 oz. of water per pound of body weight, some of which can be juice, sports drinks or herbal teas.
   3. Consider asking the pediatrician about checking your child’s levels of various minerals and vitamins: magnesium plays a role in attention span (up to 80% of adults are said to be deficient in this mineral as well), iron has an important role in brain development and the B vitamins are associated with mental alertness.
   4. Have your child’s hearing and vision checked to make sure he’s not distracted or anxious because he can’t hear or see well enough.
   5. Make sure your child gets exercise each day to burn off energy or work out anxiety that may make it difficult to focus.
   6. Check in with your child regarding his mood and help him address and work through issues he may have. Feelings can be very distracting, so help him learn to express them appropriately and use his words to get his wants met.
2. Address the classroom environment.
   1. Ask the teacher to place your child at the front of the classroom to decrease the possibility of distraction. (I have to sit in one of the first few rows at church to make sure I stay focused!) Your child may also benefit from being seated with his back to the door or the windows.
   2. Check with the teacher regarding specific things he notices: Is your child’s attention greater in some subjects than others? Does he seem bored often? Is he fidgety? Are there specific things that seem to distract him? Does he seem to respond better to a particular type of learning opportunity, e.g. visual, auditory, tactile?
   3. Teach your child to clear his desk of distractions when working on assignments, putting away everything other than what’s needed to complete the specific task at hand.
   4. Ask the teacher if your child can discreetly play with a stress ball or other fidget tool while listening to the presentation of material. Your child might even benefit from standing quietly at the back of the classroom during lecture. Some kids process better when they are physically engaged. When I give antsy or fidgety kids in my office a small toy to play with or take them on a walk while we’re talking, I definitely get more information and feelings out of them. Otherwise, they will look around, explore and attend to things in my office other than me.
   5. Request that the teacher break down larger assignments into smaller goals and/or allow your child to take a break between components to stretch or draw a picture that depicts what he’s writing or the math problem he’s doing.
3. Address the home environment. The classroom is not the only place to help your child. Your home is where you can specifically work on increasing your child’s successes and improving his overall confidence so that he approaches school with a positive attitude and an expectation of success. We are also looking for transfer of learning from home to the classroom. That is, teach your child skills such as organization and mindfulness at home and encourage him to use them at school as well.
   1. Help your child get organized by creating a homework-friendly environment that is quiet and free of distractions. Make sure all the necessary supplies are easily accessible and organized.
   2. Provide a brain food snack and a glass of water after school and before homework.
   3. Let your child relax or burn off some energy for a few minutes before starting homework.
   4. Make sure your child talks to you about his day for a few minutes, processing events and feelings as needed. Praise him for his successes or the things he did well that day. This is a good time to run through homework assignments and upcoming projects as well.
   5. Using all of these elements, create a routine for your child. There is comfort in rituals, so help your child create a plan that he engages as soon as he walks in the door. For example, put your backpack in your homework area, put your shoes in the closet or mud room, go to the bathroom, wash your hands, get a healthy snack and a glass of water, talk to Mom or Dad about your day and what you have for homework, relax or play for 15-20 minutes and then start your homework.
   6. When you talk to your child, get at his level and look him in the eye.
   7. When you give your child instructions, make sure they are simply stated and include only one step at a time. Telling your child to clean up his room may be overwhelming to him and result in seeking diversions and/or doing a haphazard job. When his poor performance is addressed, this can lead to feelings of failure, which can affect self-confidence and decrease the likelihood of success in the future. It may seem extreme when stated this way, but it doesn’t take much for a small child to feel like a failure in a big world in which he has little control. Instead, be specific: Ask him to gather his laundry and put it in the basket in his closet, place his puzzle on the bookshelf so he can work on it later, put his Legos in their bin, etc., waiting for him to complete one step at a time before indicating the next one.
   8. For chores, you can create a chart or have your child create a list of elements to each chore. Laminate this and give your child a crayon or dry erase marker to mark things off the list as they’re completed. Not only does this create a feeling of accomplishment, but it also makes the list look smaller and less overwhelming. This list should be placed in a conspicuous spot in the house so that it’s easy to find. A couple of options are the refrigerator and the wall just inside the door of your child’s room. When it comes to completion of chores, you can teach your child to self-monitor and regulate by using a timer to stay on task.
   9. Children are more likely to concentrate when they’re doing something they enjoy or something that interests them. Find out what these activities are and help build your child’s confidence by helping him see how well he can focus when motivated to do so.
   10. Play games that enhance concentration, attention and memory. These include sequencing tasks or games like Simon© or pattern creation, searching for hidden objects in pictures like I Spy© and Where’s Waldo?© and memory games like retelling stories or Memory©.
   11. Children learn best when they are calm, so teach self-regulation through basic mindfulness training. Have your child sit with legs crossed and eyes closed. Ask him to sit quietly for 5 minutes and focus on deep breathing, inhaling 3 seconds through the nose, exhaling 3 seconds through the mouth. You can also teach him to visualize or imagine a relaxing scene in his mind’s eye. The research on mindfulness training in children is astounding. As adults, we could certainly take a lesson or two from them, so try doing this exercise with your child. This is good modeling as well.
   12. Remember that children learn what they live, so set a good example by being organized, keeping your things picked up and finishing tasks.
   13. Do what you can to make things fun around the house so that your child learns not to take himself too seriously. Life’s too short, and children grow up far too fast. So, take time to be silly with your child: dance, sing, tell jokes, play games. Hide-and-seek and dart wars are huge hits in our house! Turn chores into games, tasks into races and say YES as often as possible.
   14. Praise and reinforce your child at every turn. Remember to “catch” your child doing a good job or something kind for another. I tell parents to do “verbal cartwheels” when good things happen: Reinforce the behavior that you want to see repeated. Set up rewards for your child when he works hard or does well at something. This can be money, a material object like a toy, an event like dinner out or a movie or something simple, such as picking what we’ll have for dinner the next night from 3 choices you give him, getting to bake cookies or make Jell-O after dinner, deciding what game the family will play that evening, deciding what movie the family will watch for movie night on the weekend and so on.

There are lots of ideas here, so pick and choose what works for your child. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so don’t overwhelm your child—or yourself!—with too many new ideas at once. There will be some trial and error as you find what works best. Coping skills, like most other things, can run in families, so think about what works for you when you are feeling overwhelmed or distracted and try teaching those skills to your child…the kid-appropriate ones, that is. ; )

If you or someone you know is struggling with this or another psychological issue, help is available. Talk to your insurer about available options under your plan. For more information on teletherapy sessions with me, visit www.doctorbellingrodt.com.

TOMORROW’S ATAQ: How do I set boundaries with an inappropriate family member?

Next in the queue: Should parents force a kid to stay involved in an activity if the parents think the kid wants to quit for the wrong reason?

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