In the past couple of weeks since the tragic and unnecessary death of George Floyd on 25 May, I’ve been both talking race in my therapy practice and researching race more often than usual. I’m trying to be informed, trying not to be naive. I have greatly enjoyed the respectful interchanges and the willingness of people of color to answer my questions. I can’t speak to what it’s like to be anything other than white, and I certainly don’t proclaim to have it all figured out, by any means; but I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve learned, been reminded of, observed or had pointed out to me, in no particular order. I’m just trying to do my part.
You are welcome to comment on any or all of my experiences here or share ideas about ways to have a positive impact on race relations in our country if you can be respectful. A worthwhile effort to improve race relations must include an appropriate interchange, lest the message be lost in the delivery, among other things.
- Just 3 mm beneath the skin you see, we all look the same.
- We have a LONG way to go in improving race relations in this country.
- The “Black Lives Matter” movement (BLM) began in the summer of 2013, after George Zimmerman’s acquittal for the shooting death of Trayvon Martin. It was co-founded by 3 black community organizers: Alicia Garza, Patrisse Cullors and Opal Tometi.
- Some black people are offended by being called “black.” Others are offended by being called “African-American” because they’re not from Africa. While they recognize Africa as the place from which their ancestors hail, they point out that white people generally identify as “white” vs. “Polish-American” or the like.
- BLM is not saying that ONLY black lives matter. It’s not a binary statement: either black lives matter OR white lives matter. Rather, it’s designed to draw attention to the current problem, just like we said “Boston Strong” after the bombings at the 2013 Boston Marathon and “Stand with Vegas” after the Las Vegas shootings in 2019.
- It’s a small world. For years, Derek Chauvin and George Floyd worked security at the same night club in MN.
- George Floyd had a heart condition, was high on fentanyl and methamphetamine at the time of his arrest, dropped a small bag of drugs from his pocket in the course of his arrest and had an extensive rap sheet that involved putting a gun to a pregnant woman’s belly while his buddies raided her house for money and drugs, but he didn’t deserve to die with a knee to his neck in an episode of unnecessary police brutality that continued even after he stopped breathing and multiple bystanders told the officer to get off of his neck because he was no longer conscious.
- Derek Chauvin had 17 complaints filed against him in his career, 1 of which involved a fatal shooting.
- In 2019, 41 unarmed people were killed by police. Of those, 9 were black, and 19 were white.
- Police departments are not mandated to report certain things, such as deaths from police activity, believe it or not. The majority of non-reporting agencies are small, like fewer than 5 officers, and rarely see violent crime in their communities. The result is that 20-30% of law enforcement agencies don’t report this data. However, the CDC looks at data from hospitals, and it generally coincides with the FBI data from police departments.
- Statistics can be tricky. In 2019, cops fatally shot 1,004 people. Of those, 370 were white, 235 were black and 158 were Hispanic. While some say that the numbers speak for themselves because everyone has an equal chance of encountering the police, others say this is not a fully informed position because minorities are killed more often by population.
- Some blacks believe that whites should be sorry for racial tension and white privilege in America, while others, such as David J. Harris, Jr., say that white people today shouldn’t kneel and “ask for forgiveness for nothing that they ever did wrong” and tearfully states that the blacks who are blaming whites in this day and age for slavery are themselves “racist.”
- I never personally owned slaves, don’t think white privilege should exist, don’t want to be racially ignorant and didn’t ask to be born white. I don’t have anything to be ashamed of, but there are things I must do to fight bias and discrimination when I see it, both because it’s the right thing to do and so that my children might live in a better world one day.
- Part of the “Black Lives Matter” movement is to defund the police. Like most things in life, the level to which people want defunding runs on a continuum. The general idea is to take money away from public safety organizations, such as police and prisons, and direct those funds to issues that often affect low-income communities, such as housing, education, healthcare and mental health issues, including addiction. Some want complete defunding, which scares me, as do most extreme positions, as I think of what our country would look like—especially right now—without some semblance of law and order. Because of immature and ignorant things like entitlement, racism, narcissism and psychopathy, crime would still continue. I believe it would actually become more rampant because behavior no longer has legal consequences.
- While protesting can contribute to awareness and change, rioting and looting could be damaging the property and livelihood of the disenfranchised and perpetuating the very stereotypes the participants are railing against.
- Police use of lethal force has been decreasing since 2012.
- As a black person, if you try to behave and dress “respectfully,” you may be accused of “acting white.”
- The road to hell is often paved with good intentions. White people spray painting BLM on a Starbucks will probably result in black people being accused of committing the crime, which is counterproductive and likely unsolicited.
- Officers are assaulted with deadly weapons thousands upon thousands of times per year but generally only use lethal force in about 7-10% of situations in which it could be justified. In 2015, for example, 1 citizen death occurred for every 10-15 deadly weapons attacks on officers. Of course, even 1 death is tragic, but many police officers exercise restraint on a regular basis.
Ultimately, I’ve learned that there’s no easy answer to the question of how to fix race relations in the U.S. There’s no absolute, final, universal answer that will make every single person happy, ever. But there are some things we can do to try to help the situation or at least not contribute to the problem:
- We have to talk about racism and race relations. If you say you don’t want to talk about it because you don’t want to offend someone, that’s understandable on the surface (I’ve been there), but it’s a cop out. Let’s be honest: The truth is that you’re too worried about how you’ll be seen. It’s not about you, though; it’s about finding out how to be respectful of others in ways that are important to them. People of color would rather you make an earnest attempt to combat ignorance, even if it’s your own, than continue to walk around in it.
- Avoid extreme/dichotomous/binary positions. Not all “anything” is “something.” Not all cops are bad. Not all white people are racist. Not all people of color feel disenfranchised.
- Ignorance is the method the devil uses to separate us, draw us away from the fact that God created us all equal. Respectfully combat it when you see it. The ground is level at the foot of the cross, y’all.
- Ask people how they want to be referred to, what offends them.
- Expose your children to different races/cultures and their practices. Talk to them directly about racism. For example, I watched the video of George Floyd’s death with each of my children and had a discussion about their feelings, thoughts and what could have been done differently.
This list is by no means all-inclusive, but it’s a start. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for being open-minded, trying to be aware and thinking critically about race relations in our country.
Sources: FBI Uniform Crime Report, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, The Guardian, Scientific American, Dolan Consulting Group, Facebook page of DHJH, Wikipedia, Twitter account of Candace Owens
