The past few weeks have been about letting go for me. I’ve had to let go of people, money, sadness, regret, pride and fear. As I write this, I’m thinking, “Gosh, it sounds like a really awful few weeks when I write it all out like that!” But, you know me, I’m looking for what I’m supposed to learn and share with others! So, here goes…
The issues I’ve been letting go of were issues I’d been holding onto for a long time–some of them a VERY long time. What drove me to hold onto things was the same thing that kept me from addressing them and putting them to bed: FEAR.
Those of you who know me know that I am persistent, driven, determined…some might say stubborn…I might agree. ; ) I don’t like to surrender when I’m going after something and not getting it. I don’t give up well. I don’t like to fail or miss the mark when I’m aiming for something. I see quitting as a weakness, and I do whatever I can to fight it. As you might imagine, then, letting go is very difficult for me most of the time.
The impetus for my decision to finally let go of these things occurred when I realized that nothing was going to change, including those negative feelings I was having, if I…
…just sat there and looked at the unresolved items on my desk every day.
…kept avoiding the phone calls I needed to make.
…kept closing the drawer that held the file I needed to deal with.
…didn’t reframe the regret I was having as a lesson learned and simply vow to do differently in the future.
…didn’t stop beating myself up about the issues or my missteps and playing the “what if” game.
…didn’t tell my ego to take a back seat and go for something less (in my perception) than what I originally had in mind as a starting point for an endeavor I’m embarking on.
…didn’t just get over myself!
When my fear was finally outweighed by frustration and fatigue from holding onto these things for so long, I took the bull by the horns and conquered them. I just decided I was sick and tired of thinking about these things, worrying about what might happen if I tackled them and didn’t “win” in MY mind, by MY own definition. Essentially, I got sick and tired of MYself!
It was at that moment that the scale was tipped, and I took action on the things that had been hanging out rent-free in my mind for far too long. I decided to be done with the negativity that hung over me like a cloud of darkness. I had been doing all the best cognitive behavior therapy on myself for months:
– “I know it’s scary, but you’ll feel so much better once you tackle and put these things away.”
– “Just do it. Do it now. Get it over with.” “You want to get going, right? Well, start somewhere, even if it’s not where you originally planned to start. You’re being prideful, and God will not bless that.”
– “Really, Jen, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
– “Five years from now, will this have a big impact on your life? Will you even remember it?”
– “You know you can do this; you’ve done it before!”
Everyone’s tipping point is different, and only you know what that is for you. I’m here to tell you that you can do it. Don’t avoid it. If you need help, get it! You truly will feel better when you put things to bed. I can tell you the relief may not be immediate; it may take some time to set in–this is still fresh for me, so every now and then, I catch a negative thought and have to shoot it down before I go down the rabbit hole with it. But you will feel better when you realize you’ve released things and evicted them from your mind. I know I do.
If you or someone you know is struggling with this or another psychological issue, help is available. Talk to your insurer about available options under your plan. For more information on teletherapy sessions with me, visit the FAQs section at www.doctorbellingrodt.com.
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